Domesticity
by Pajoombas
Summary: When Cas can't quite get the hang of being human, Dean uses the help of great products to ease Cas into the inter-species transition. (Ficlet, Destiel, Crack)


_AN: okay so for the sake of people's sanity, this whole story is a joke between my best friend and I when we were wondering what it'd look like if they sold advertizing space in fanfics, so I wrote it. It isn't meant to be taken seriously, and I've had some reviews that concerned me with how they think that's how I actually write. All and all, this is the product of a joke from the minds of two strange girls_

"What's all this about, Cas?" Dean ask, worry in his tone.

"I'm just not sure what I'm feeling right now. My throat… it feels dry and thick. Am I diseased?"

"No, Cas." Dean smirked, "You're just thirsty, buddy."

"Ah," Cas said in realization, "So, I need liquids. I understand. The human body is very demanding."

"Got that right." Dean muttered, going over to the fridge of their dirty little motel room. "What do you want?

"I'm… not sure, Dean, I've only ever had alcohol. Such as Mike's Hard Lemonade Beverages." Cas fumbled over to the ENERGY STAR® Fridge next to Dean. He continued his long tradition of ignoring the personal space bubble Dean had often reminded him of. After a while, Dean just gave up.

"We have…. Poland Spring® 100% Natural Spring Water, booze, and whatever the hell this crap is that Sam bought." Dean inspected the little plastic bottle, "Lipton® Iced Tea: Natural Green Tea? The Great Tasting Flavors Of Lipton® Iced Tea? Wow, okay, Samantha. When he gets back from the library we're going to take him to a strip club and try and get his masculinity back." he tossed the bottle carelessly back into the fridge.

Dean just then realized how close Cas was, their hips and arms slightly brushing over each other, as gently as a breeze. Dean ignored the slight flutter in his heart, an ever-increasing occurrence since Cas decided to live with them. Dean didn't know what to call it, so he tucked it away in the back of his mind, never to be dealt with, only ignored. He cleared his throat and moved to the counter in an attempt to ease the awkward tension that, apparently, only Dean had been feeling.

"I'd like to try coffee." Cas stated, "Sam said it could 'Work miracles.' I'd like to verify that." Cas pointed at the coffee pot by the microwave and endless stacks of Kraft Easy Mac Macaroni & Cheese Dinner that they bought at Walmart for the new low price of $2.98 for a 6-pack, 12.9oz.

"Oh, maybe like Folgers® Coffee Original Roast?" Dean mused, turning on the Keurig® Easy Maker Coffee Pot. "Sure thing. Here, I'll show you how it's done. Not gonna hold your hand forever with this human crap."

"Personally, I believe the 'hand holding' would be pleasurable." Cas said, moving closer to Dean, Cas's front pressing against Dean's back, as he peered over his shoulder.

Dean shuttered, freakin' shuttered! Like a girl! He didn't know what the hell his body was doing, but he was far from comfortable with it. It was such a small comment, but the sentimentality of it all but knocked him over. Jesus, does Cas even realize what he does to him? One would think after weeks of this he'd get the hint whenever he was flirting without realizing it. The fact that he didn't even know he was flirting made it so much worse. This was going to be a long day.

"Y-yeah." Smooth, Dean, real smooth. Dean scooped the grains of the Folgers® Coffee Original Roast into the filter and put it in the Keurig® Easy Maker Coffee Pot.

"Seems simple." Castiel observed Dean's movements closely, downloading the information into his brain. During his observing, however, he subconsciously was drawn closer to Dean, just like the power of a Kendrion Inc.® Industrial Strength Magnet.

With Dean in front of the counter, Castiel was pushing up against Dean's back, not ever caring that they were practically grinding like young adults do when they have a great time at Sky Lounge Night Club, often featuring DJ Calamity, open late on weekends for ages 21 and up; a fun time for all your friends.

Dean groaned, realizing he couldn't just bottle it up anymore. It had been weeks that he'd been trying to mask these… feelings. He would have to share a bed with Castiel nearly every night, and he'd often fantasized about finally shoving past this brick wall of an ego and taking what he knew he wanted, but that's not how he worked. Maybe if he had the energy to do so with the new and improved formula of 5-hour ENERGY®, he could have done it sooner. He dropped the spoon from his hand and took a deep breath, feeling Castiel still pressed against his back.

/_Ah, fuck it._/

Dean turned around quickly, facing a surprised and confused Castiel. He was actually doing it, and it felt so right. He grabbed the thin and textured fabric of Cas's Fruit of the Loom® Men's Sleepwear shirt that he was borrowing from Dean and pulled him in, kissing him with a desperate tenderness. He wanted to smash their lips together in a fiery passion, but he didn't want to freak Cas out more than he probably already was. Oh, man, what was he doing?!Dean pulled away, wearing the same amount of surprise and Cas was, they're faces merly a few inches aparat

"Cas! I, uh.. I-" Dean stuttered, flustered. /_Shit._/

"Why did you stop." Castiel muttered, his eyes deepening, pupils dilated with desire. Dean nearly jumped out of his skin in joy.

He didn't need any other invitation other than that.

Dean immediately pulled Cas back in, with more ferocity than before; more confidence, more lust and even more desperation. He snaked his hands up the side of that Fruit of the Loom® Men's Sleepwear shirt and threw his arms around his neck. Castiel returned the gesture by coming up and gripping Dean's jaw line with one hand, and the other tangling itself in his bed-head hair.

Dean had thought he was the one in control, but he was proven wrong when Cas pushed him up against the counter, raising him by the ass that way he could sit on the DuPont™ Corian® Granite Countertops, new deals in the Summer Liquidation Sale. Dean moaned into the kiss, the overwhelming feelings plaguing his blurry mind. This was so new, so unexpected, and so very good.

Cas placed himself between Dean's legs and Dean wrapped them around Cas' waist. The kiss had become sloppy and loving; a mess of tongue and fights for dominance. Ultimately, Castiel was winning.

They pulled away only so that Cas could lap at Dean's neck. Dean gasped at the touch, and new he was going to have some new marks he'd have to explain to Sam later, but that was the farthest thing from his mind at that moment. Cas nipped and sucked and moaned into Dean's neck, the vibrations coursing through his entire body. Dean gripped tightly at Castiel's dark hair that had obviously been washed with Dove® Men+Care Daily Wash Shampoo.

"Cas…" Dean nearly choked out, "You smell like Chanel Bleu de Chanel Cologne for Men…." he murmured taking a whiff.

Cas smirked against Dean's skin, silently thanking Sam for letting him borrow the new and inexpensive product found in the perfume department of the local Macy's.

Just as Cas was moving to take off Dean's Men's Graphic Novel ACDC© shirt, now $18.98 at Target®, Sam walked through the door to their dingy little motel room. Time itself froze as the two on the counter stared wide-eyed at Sam who was staring with a blank expression, as if expecting this to happen sooner or later.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything important." Sam sighed, "But the JFK Memorial Library and Musuem for Reference and Freetime Fun had materials to help us in our research to gank this spirit." Sam sighed again, louder. "I'll come back later." he groaned grumpily, walking out the door.

After Dean and Cas had watched Sam go out the door, they looked into each other's eyes.

"Looks like someone didn't have his ©2013 Newman's Own Organic Hazelnut Coffee this morning." Dean smirked, looking down into Cas' blue angelic eyes, their noses touching.

"Now, where were we?" he replied, leaning in and continuing their mid-morning activity.

/fin/


End file.
